THE D.A. OF THE DAY - TUESDAY, MAY 31ST

BOOZY BULLDOZER BUST:



An Alaska man who was hellbent on getting smashed decided to do it by smashing through the front window of a liquor store -- driving a stolen bulldozer.

Joseph Martin ran the front-end loader through the front of the spirit shop on Thursday, then climbed out and loaded the cab with armfuls of bottles he swiped off shelves. Cops responding to the scene had to pursue Martin on a long low-speed chase, during which he helped himself to a goodly bit of the borrowed booze, resulting in DUI accusations as well as the theft and vandalism charges.

A witness told police, "He's obviously a good driver, 'cause he was drunk off his butt but he was still driving really good. He didn't hit a car or nothing — and making those wide turns — he must have experience driving around the loaders or something."

BANKING BAD:

 

A Texas man made a real deposit "slip" by handing a bank teller a large stack of bills -- along with nearly a gram of crystal meth!

Louis Fueque Kent pulled into a drive-up window at the First Bank in Wichita Falls and dropped his deposit into the tube in front of the clerk, who opened the envelope and found the cash, a few checks and a folded up piece of paper that contained just under a gram of the drug. Since the deposit slip included Kent's name and address, cops had no trouble finding the 73-year-old and booking him on drug charges.

Clearly, a gram of meth would generate plenty of interest -- even at today's rates.

STALKER CAN'T KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT

A Pennsylvania man arrested for stalking a Philadelphia TV news reporter has not yet mastered the skill of keeping his big mouth shut.

32-year-old Christopher Nilan became obsessed with the female reporter and stalked her for a few months before he was finally arrested in January. He received an intermediate sentence, which will keep him locked up in jail until June 25th, after which he'll be confined to his house and monitored with a ankle bracelet for two years. Then he'll be on probation for 13 years.

After hearing all that, Nilan told the court he plans to resume his stalking as soon as his probation ends. He said, "I'm not going to give it up. I want to be with her. I'm the only person who can protect her."

The judge told him he needs to give up his fixation or face more jail time.